Notes to the Little One

Today, 12 April, is the birthday of both my beloved darling Aunty Helen and niece Jenn (me). We are the dimples ladies of Tonduyoh clan, only separated by a few years. Soul wise, we are like twins.

Aunty Helen is actually my first cousin once removed. Her mother was the younger sister of my paternal grandfather. However, on Borneo island, we don’t call those who are older than us their names. We call them aunty, uncle, sister or brother. Since we’re related, we call those older than us by “rank”.

In the post I wrote on my timeline (in the paragraphs below), Aunty Helen wished me with these beautifully written and eloquent words. I truly love this beautiful lady and wish her more for her and hers.

“Blessed birthday my awesome, amazing & beautiful niece, Jenn George. I love the lines you wrote which connotes to my growing up phase as a little girl… how dad was so proud of his eldest daughter … how that little girl followed suit with dad’s beautifully aligned curvisive handwriting and also our common share on books companionship. Feel so blessed how God reconnects us. Happy birthday to you & me and may God grant us great health, faith, happiness & continuous blessings. Miss & love you… warmest hugs from afar.“

Thank you, dear Aunty Helen. I love you so much.

I wrote this piece last night when my clock turned to past midnight for Facebook but I’d like to share it here too.

A note to little Jenn

“This was how you started, little one! Your first book at 5 years old. You were standing next to dad as he was writing in his diary. You were so impressed at his beautiful cursive handwriting that when dad gave you a brand-new diary, you filled the pages up with your own cursive style. You showed your work to dad and he laughed, “proud” of his eldest daughter. You grinned as you always did.

“I remember those handwritings. Long strings of “noodles” or “pastas” in every line, in every page. Little did you know, you were already doing “the work” in tongues! Now, I’m impressed. And girl, as you grew up and turned to adulthood, books have always been your main companion. Oh… that brain of yours… Keep your childlike attitude with that strong will! Listen to your heart and ignore the rest. I love you very much.

From your future self. 🥳🥳🥳”

This morning, as I woke up, I needed to share what happened after I posted that little snippet.

I wrote this below. I wanted to share it with my people, those on my friends list. These were just random thoughts and I no longer a perfectionist. Well! I do my best not to be one anymore.

Language is just a language. Grammatical errors are for the perfectionist police, that, I believe, have their own shortages due to some kind of traumatic experiences. So, that’s okay for them to continue doing that. I don’t mind and I don’t bother any longer.

All I know is, life flows on just as swift as the mountain river water. Nothing is perfect even when we keep correcting. Nothing is not perfect when we just let it be.

Second note to little Jenn

“Little one was 5. Times 10 later, she’s got a donut next to that figure. After writing to her last night (on the last post), I cried heartily for her. All the traumas she endured at that age, all the confusions, all the fear for her 3 little siblings… She took them and hid anywhere in the dark… in the closet, in the store room, under the bed, under the house where snakes, millipedes and scorpions were roaming around or bodiless heads looking for blood and children.

“At 5, she could already cook rice and helped mum taking care of the kids. At 11, she was molested by a male teacher, the head in the school. Told an adult but she was laughed at. Shamed. Felt unworthy. Doubted herself ever since. Growing up, she was suicidal. Nobody cared before, nobody would care now, she always thought.

“She made a lot of money and gave away all of them. She got rid of all assets in both countries. She transferred her name of the family property dad gave her to be in charge, in 2018, to her five younger siblings. “When I’m gone tomorrow, I might as well be free from all… I know this Earth is not my home,” she said.

“So, I cried and cried for this sweet-innocent-kind-loving-bright-brilliant little girl. When I was done, I cuddled her as I slept. ‘I promise to take care of you from now on, little girl. I promise to be with you & take your side even when everyone is against me. I promise to help you achieve your soul mission and help those people, animals, all living beings to be free from all the pain, sufferings and anguish. We’ll keep laughing, having fun and “bols” 🤣 I promise to help those who seek help so that every single currency that I have spent will be recharged and returned to us a thousandfold.’

“God always makes a way for us when there is no way. I trust only in God, the loving God, not the angry and jealous god. Oh! I would give you the whole world, baby girl but you already have that and more. You ARE the universe! You are God’s co-creator of every molecule, every cell, every prism… You can raise mountains and, in that part, sweet one, I need your help.

“I won’t allow any negative behaviour, negative thoughts, negative characteristics, negative parasites or anything negative enters our life anymore. We’ll just be who and what we truly are! The daughter with huge boldness. The rebel granddaughter, niece, sister and daughter.

“No longer alone will you be. No longer empty will you feel. No longer crazy will you think. We’ll do things together. Just you and me. We’ll travel to sites and take thousands of photos. We’ll build homes for the children and the elderly. We’ll bring joy to everyone we meet. We’ll stay humble and kind. We just have to enjoy these rides and have a lot of adventures. Yes! That’s it. Let’s go to the funfair and ride those monsters. Have fun, little me. I love you so very much.”